As I get older, the self reflection and searching for truth that relates to my life and those I have produced, becomes more pin pointed and humble. I have always been a person moved by responsibility and accountability so why wouldn’t my thinking? These trials and situations must have something to do with me. What part have I played in the world I live in and the family I have been part in creating?

My decisions have been made based upon “feelings of purpose”, gifting, calling and straight desires. I was blessed to get my spiritual education and understanding during a move of the Holy Spirit through the 80’s and 90’s. I experienced God in HIS mercy and watched HIM provide for my family when only HE could. I’ve been present when cancers were healed, dead men raised and the gang member and drug dealer saved. I truly was blessed to see and witness all of God’s beautiful attributes.

I faced the crumbling of a Christian marriage, knowing God could do anything but the result ended in divorce. I have walked beside children dealing with change, hurt, loss and just plain puberty. I went from the pulpit to the pew in a matter of days. I walked through the journey of a child with substance abuse and the reasons as to “why”. I have watched my personal opinions be challenged by the very existence of what I was living. What is the reason for all of this Lord? Yes I know we will have trials and tribulations but why, why so much?

The scripture “to whom much is given much is required ” has always been one to permeate through my journey. Surely all of this because God has so much for me to do!!!!! I have been taught if I speak to my mountain, it will be moved. Watch my words, speak life not death. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Faith without works is dead. All of these are true, these are Gods words and HE backs them! So why all the challenges and the seemingly uphill climbing?

Simply put…….. Its Never Been About You! This life is not about us. It is a journey that prepares us to be vessels used for God’s glory and purpose. We have allowed selfishness to creep into even the Christian mindset. We have been so set to understand our purpose and call that we have forgotten it is about what HE wants. All my trials, disappointments, hurts, losses…… all to prepare me to be more sensitive, aware and broken so I may be used. How will I recognize someone’s pain if I have never experienced it before. As I walk with God through it, I can direct them to the ONE that carried me to the other side of the pain. This journey isn’t to glorify me but to magnify HIM! I truly understand the sacrifice of our Lord and savior Jesus, it wasn’t about him, that was about us! What better example to see before our eyes then to see HIS life played out before us. All HE went through was for us, why would our pain be any different, it’s for someone else.